A Humorous The Force Awakens Trailer Breakdown

How excited was I to see the new The Force Awakens trailer? I was willing to watch the New York Giants stumble around in a feeble attempt at professional football. I listened to Trent Dilfer make jokes… Trent Dilfer is the Jar Jar Binks of football.

So was it all worth it? Was the trailer worth watching Chris Berman yell “Koonyah mahlyass koong! Ees too rong tah oong jedi mind trick!” from his throne.  No wait, that was Jabba.

I’m here to let you know what was great… and what wasn’t great, but we are totally going to over look and ignore because OH MA GERD STER WERS!

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD! (Seriously, I warned your scruffy looking nerf herder loving self.)

Is there anything in the world more awkward than Chris Berman trying to introduce Star Wars?

I knew this was Rey because she had her big stick… I still don’t know what the big stick does.

Move over Angelina Jolie because Rey is the Tomb Raider of old abandoned Star Destroyers.

Here’s some of that sweet poetry we talked about in my last post.  Rey is channeling Luke hard… does that mean Rey has a connection to Luke?

Disillusioned Storm Trooper Finn blows up other Storm Troopers in a hangar with a Tie Fighter and escapes Star Destroyer in beat up Tie Fighter only to crash on Rey’s planet in the deseret and stumble into scavengers established.

This was lucky I found this before I had to drink my own pee like Bear Grylls… and more you’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy poetry.

THIS IS AWESOME.

This is pretty cool.

This is some creepy daddy… er granddaddy maybe… issues.

In my day we had to fly up hill both ways with no hyper-drive to fight the empire.  Actually I think the idea that Jedi and Sith have already fallen into myth thirty years on is pretty great storytelling.

The Millennium Falcon now does that Quantum Leap thing when in hyperdrive?

Seriously, no one brought an umbrella?

THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!

That droid is cool but kind of looks like the robots from the Doctor Who episode ‘Dinosaurs on a Spaceship’.  Also, the rebel headquarters might be in Nepal.

I have a feeling that Captain Phasma might be Finn’s nemesis in a way since he left the Storm Troopers… I’m pretty excited about that idea.

Han and Chewie get captured far too often.

AWWWWWWW. This is like when you see an old couple holding hands at the mall food court.

Finn just peed a little.

Finn peed a lot.

AND NOW MORE AWKWARD NFL GUYS DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT STAR WARS!

Want more you do, so check out my post on what I wanted to see in the new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer.

If you somehow haven’t watched it already…

Next: WATCH THE TRAILER NOW!

What did you think of the trailer? Let us know in the comments below.